I don’t scream when I’m scared.
For example, when I’m watching a scary movie and it gets all quiet and then the killer jumps out of nowhere? I just sort of gasp a little and tense up.
Now that you understand this, I will share with you what occurred tonight.
It all began when my roommate got back from work. My roommate loves bacon. This is a fact. So, somehow, she got on the topic of breakfast foods and how we should all go get breakfast together tomorrow morning, even though it’s a study day and most people will sleep in. Then, she decided that she couldn’t wait that long and that we should just go ahead and go to IHOP.
Why yes, it was almost 11pm when she made this decision.
Now, something else you must understand. My friend and I are in a war. A prank war, if you will. It really started on Halloween, when I had a party and we decorated marshmallows. I then had his roommate (a very close friend of mine) hide them all over their dorm room.
It continued the other night when a group of us went to a local drive in restaurant. This friend’s roommate (the close friend of mine) felt bad that we all went without the guy, so he decided to bring him back a milkshake. After some pleading, I convinced my close friend (I don’t want to bother with pseudonyms) to let me give him the milkshake when we got back to the dorm. It went a little like this:
“Hey. We felt bad you didn’t go with us, so we brought you a milkshake.”
“Hey, thank you!” He took it from me.
“You are welcome.” *cue a creepy as crap smile on my part*
“Wait. What did you do to it?”
“Nothing. What do you mean?”
I legitimately hadn’t done anything to the drink but he was convinced for several hours that I had. Poor guy…
…or so I thought.
I figured he’d never one up me.
I was so naive.
Back to my roommate, she wanted breakfast…at 11pm. So I went downstairs and told our boys that they should join us. The friend I’m prank warring with was all lame, like, “No, I’m tired. I’m a baby. Blah blah.” I let him be and ran back upstairs to collect my roommate. 15 minutes later, we were ready to head out.
I should have noticed the obvious sign. My close friend was insistent upon driving and became agitated when I said I wanted to drive. He kept texting someone and wasn’t paying attention to me as I described my hilarious dream from last night. I should have paid attention.
And then, right as I began to walk around to the driver’s side door, it happened. A flash, and someone yelled,
My prank friend had been lying under my car, waiting on the freezing ground, ready to strike at any moment. He had jumped at me, screaming.
And I did that thing I do, where my heart stops, I gasp, and look like I’m about to pass out.
Touché, my friend. Touché.