And, Mother, His Shoes… (Philosophy Midterm Post #2)




Is this thing working? Okay, well, this is Penny Langton. I can’t answer my phone right now, clearly, so leave me a message. (What do I do now? Oh, okay…)


Mother. How could you? 

I mean, really, I know you have gone to great lengths to find me a suitable prospective husband, but this? The senator’s son? Honestly? Oh, I could just scream.

First of all, we have nothing in common. And not just when it comes to the fact that he is an arrogant, manipulative, immature frat-boy. But, mother…he owns an AK47. Not just that, this man was raised in a family which kept a separate cabin specifically to house their weapons. I mean…I can’t even…

The thing that really gets me, though…that just really grinds my gears…he wants to treat the whole Earth as if it is America. I know it’s a good thing to “think globally” or whatever, but before we do that, don’t we need to consider the fact that each of us is one person out of seven billion? Mother, can you even comprehend the number 7 billion? That’s more glasses of sweet tea than you’ll ever be able to serve at any of your soirees in your entire life…although I am sure that, now that I’ve made such a claim, you’ll make it your personal goal to serve just that number. 

What I’m trying to say is that by generalizing the planet and foreign policy, he’s doing us all a great disservice. When you don’t make it personal and when you just consider this world and it’s people as an “entity,” you’re missing the point. And he wants to complain about the Democrats making it impossible to get anything done in Congress. Maybe if his blessed Conservatives – and, yes, admittedly, the Liberals, too – could learn to see things from a different perspective, then we could reach some sort of compromise.

And, Mother, his shoes. I’m pretty sure his shoes cost more than my entire college education. His tie alone could probably have been traded in for a month’s worth of rent. I kid you not. I really don’t know where you find them. 

We disagree on everything. He’s pro-life, I’m pro-choice; he thinks every single citizen should be armed, I say look at South Africa; he hardly believes in gay rights and I think that love is love is love and no one should be punished or excluded from happiness. 

And I know that you know my opinions when it comes to Conservatives and “military age” and all that. But what I’m trying to tell you is that I don’t think he’d listen to them for one second. I don’t even think he’d pay attention to my views if I iced them onto a 3-layer chocolate cake and handed it to him while singing the National Anthem. 

And that’s the main reason I feel we have nothing in common. 

And, just for the record, he said that he couldn’t stand Jon Stewart. If that isn’t the biggest deal breaker of them all, I don’t know what is. 

Goodbye, Mother.

Is this thing working? Okay, well, this is Penny Langton. I can’t answer my phone right now, clearly, so leave me a message. (What do I do now? Oh, okay…)


Oh, also, just in case you were curious, he’s asked me on another date next Saturday. I hope you’re happy. 







Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s